Guilty conscience

Bastian is a nice young man and a good student. He is diligent and serious. Like many young men from devout Catholic families, he sees taking vows as a priest as an answer to his secret sin of homosexual desires. If I thought that was his only motive, I would call him out on it and tell him, contrary to the official teachings of the church, that there is nothing wrong with him and he must bear this burden that God has placed on his shoulders, and make the best of it by living as good and virtuous a life as he can as a gay man.

That is not all there is to Bastian, though. He has a big heart, and what I believe to be a devout calling to the Lord. He will make a very good priest, and may go far in the church hierarchy, although right now, I think he would probably say that he would be content leading a small parish. None of that will happen until he overcomes his guilt and I intend to help him with that.

The life of a priest is far more complicated than most of our parishioners would ever imagine. We are on a pedestal, something less than a Saint, but more than human. That is necessary for us to have moral authority and believably stand at the altar and turn wine into the holy Blood of Christ. As I say, the truth is more complicated. Underneath our black suits and behind our white collars, we are men. We have flaws, we have weaknesses, and we are subject to the same desires and hungers as any other men.

When Bastian came to me to confess what he believes are his sinful sexual desires, I realized that it was time for him to see behind the curtain of priestly perfection. To learn the secret of our Brotherhood. That is, that we are a brotherhood and, while there are temptations to be resisted, there are others that we brothers must help each other to manage rather than deny.

Bastian Karim and Jacob Lord